Undergrads Season 2: Episode 2: Residence
by theclumsystallion
Summary: Follows the Undergrads Gimpy, Rocko, Nitz and Cal through their second years at State U, Techerson Tech and CSJCC. COMPLETED!!
1. Residence 1

(Rocko in his room with a porn open on his lap and music blazing.)  
  
Craigy: (Walks in holding a folder.) Rocko, could you turn that down for a minute?  
  
Rocko: (Doesn't hear.)  
  
Craigy: (Frowns, walks over to the stereo and turns it off.)  
  
Rocko: (Looks up.) Hey! What happened to knocking? Am I the only one around here who listens to rules?  
  
Craigy: Rocko, JCSCC just sent me this file on you.  
  
Rocko: Who?  
  
Craigy: Rocko, it says you didn't attend a single lecure or exam last year.  
  
Rocko: That's wierd. I don't remember signing up for any classes. (Turns music back on, but Craigy responds and turns it off.) Craigy: There's something else Rocko. According to this you didn't even get into JCSCC last year.  
  
Rocko: (Looking annoyed) Yeah, so?  
  
Craigy: So technically you shouldn't have even been living here last year.  
  
Rocko: So?  
  
Craigy: And technically you shouldn't be living here this year either.  
  
Rocko: So?  
  
Craigy: (Cocks an eyebrow)  
  
(Scene shifts to front of frat house where Rocko get booted out.)  
  
Rocko: When the hell can I come back?  
  
(A keg is tossed out of the top window and falls in front of Rocko)  
  
Craigy: When you get a degree (Slams door shut)  
  
Rocko: Yeah, like thats an option  
  
~ Main Theme ~ 


	2. Residence 2

(Cal sitting in their room alone immersed in a coloring book. The door knocks lightly)  
  
Nitz: Cal? Is it okay to come in?  
  
Cal: Don't worry Nitz guy. The ladies have all gone home for the day.  
  
Nitz: Hmmm. Cal, aren't you an RA now?  
  
Cal: Nope, I'm Cal, I'm just your room mate, but the Calster is RA, and he is a totally different person  
  
Nitz: I don't know if the other RA's will go for that Cal  
  
Cal: (Oblivious smile on his face)  
  
Gimpy: (Face appears on screen) Did someone say my name?  
  
Nitz: No  
  
Gimpy: Oh. Well, while I'm here, I should warn you Rocko is on his way to your room.  
  
Nitz: What?  
  
Gimpy: He should be there is about three seconds  
  
Nitz: How do you know all this?  
  
(Door smashes open. Rocko walks in swearing)  
  
Rocko: Stupid frat brothers. Stupid everything  
  
Cal: (Slurp) Hey guy  
  
Rocko: Get outta here Cal!  
  
Cal: OK. (Gets up and walks out of the room)  
  
Nitz: Easy Rocko. Whats wrong?  
  
Rocko: My frat brothers threw me out.  
  
Nitz: What? Why?  
  
Rocko: Hmmmm . . .  
  
~ Flashback ~  
  
Rocko: (Fighting off eight really huge guys) Stay back. I warn you if you come any closer  
  
Craigy: Rocko, your stealing all the chicks. You have to get out of here before you have sex with all of them and stuff  
  
Rocko: Fine, c'mon ladies  
  
(A huge mod of girls run up giggling to Rocko and he throws his arms around all of them)  
  
Rocko: We don't need these guys anymore  
  
(He turns with gaggle of ladies. Craigy is furious after them.)  
  
Craigy: Well, at least I still have you hunny.  
  
Craigy's girlfriend: No way. Your a pud. I'm going with Rocko cause he's supa' man.  
  
(She runs after Rocko and fade out)  
  
Nitz: (Giving Rocko a doubtful look)  
  
Rocko: What?  
  
*  
  
(Zoom in on Gimpy's base)  
  
Mump: Sir?  
  
Gimpy: State your business Lieutenant.  
  
Mump: We've run into a bit of a problem sir.  
  
Gimpy: (Turns his chair around very slowly and dramatically)  
  
Mump: You see sir, we aren't technically allowed to attend courses online exclusively unless we are part of the residence there.  
  
Gimpy: What?  
  
Mump: It's a loophole so the students registered at Tech can't come from all over the world, and to make sure we actually exist.  
  
Gimpy: Well, what can we do?  
  
Mump: Well, there is a way around it, but . . .  
  
Gimpy: What is it?  
  
Mump: We'd have to give them documented proof of our identity.  
  
Gimpy: Ahh! I can't be done. Do you have any idea how many people might get a hold of those documents!  
  
Mump: I know sir The other option of course is moving back to residence at Tech.  
  
Gimpy: (Crosses arms) Out of the question.  
  
Mump: Well sir, what will we do?  
  
Gimpy: We'll just have to convince tech we are an actualy residence in ourselves. I'll just look up the requirements to make this place into a residence. Mump, order the men to make this place look presentable. I'm sure we will be recieving a visit soon.  
  
Mump: (Bows) Yes sir.  
  
~ Commercial 


	3. Residence 3

(Nitz's room. Rocko is sitting on Cal's bed reading a porn with music blaring)  
  
Nitz: (Tries to open door, toppling mountains of beer bottles over and pushing his way through the garbage covered floor) Rocko?  
  
Rocko: (Doesn't hear)  
  
Nitz: (Walks over and turns off the music)  
  
Rocko: Geez man, where did you come from? Does nobody knock anymore?  
  
Nitz: Rocko, I know its tough cause you got kicked out of your frat-  
  
Rocko: (Gives an angry glare)  
  
Nitz: Sorry, left your frat, but you really can't stay here. That's Cal's bed.  
  
Rocko: C'mon man, I did you a favor by getting rid of that pud Cal. He hasn't even been here since I moved in.  
  
Nitz: (Worried) Rocko, you can't move in. I'm not allowed to have someone staying in my room for this long.  
  
Rocko: So what? Cal's the RA. He'll leave us alone.  
  
Cal: (Bursts in wearing his sunglasses and overcoat) Mister loud music. Please respect other's by keeping your music at an acceptable level.  
  
Rocko: Get outta here Cal.  
  
Cal: I've never heard of such a person. I'm the Calster. Please leave this residence immediately.  
  
Rocko: No friggin' way.  
  
Cal: (Makes a hand gesture and two large football players come in. Rocko struggles for a second but is eventually overcome and dragged out of the room.)  
  
Rocko: (Struggling) You'll pay for this Cal you pud!  
  
Cal: (Writing on his notepad) As for you. (Pointing at Nitz) Your getting a warning for this mess. Please try to keep Chilton Hall a clean and groovy place.  
  
(Cal turns an walks out the door and a second later comes back in with the house coat drapped over his arm and the sunglasses resting on it)  
  
Cal: Wow. What a day guy. I gave out lots of warnings, and I even saw Rocko.  
  
Nitz: Hmm. Anyways Cal, a letter came in for you today.  
  
Cal: (Picks up the letter. It's from Chilton Hall Admin and there is a huge red 'WARNING' stamped on the front. He opens it and reads it out loud) Dear Cal, aw isn't that nice. We have reason to believe that you may be sleeping with women on your floor. This is strictly forbidden for RA's and Chilton hall will be sending a representative to inspect this case. Signed, the director of Chilton Hall Administration. (Cal looks up blankly for a second) kay.  
  
Nitz: Cal, aren't you worried?  
  
Cal: Worried about what guy?  
  
Nitz: Slaps his forehead.  
  
*  
  
Rocko: Stupid can't live anywhere. Stupid everything. Where the hall am I supposed to live.  
  
Guy on street: Why don't you join a frat?  
  
Rocko: I already did, but they were wicked lame so I ditched them.  
  
Guy: (Gives a confused look) Well there are lots of other frats too you know.  
  
Rocko: Really? What kinds?  
  
Guy: Well, some frats are all about parties, some for studies, some for computer techs and some are even unisex.  
  
Rocko: (Light shines over Rocko's head and angel music plays in the background) What?  
  
*  
  
(A big room covered in pink paint. Rocko sits unconfortably on a bright pink couch. A pretty girl walks in in her pyjama's)  
  
Girl: Well hello there. We've never had a male applicant before.  
  
Rocko: (Drooling at her) Me neither  
  
Girl: (Giggles) Your funny. (Sits down) So what year are you in at JCSCC?  
  
Rocko: (Thinking for a moment) What year are you in at JCSCC?  
  
Girl: Oh! Well I'm in my fourth year.  
  
Rocko: (Cock's an eyebrow) Me too!  
  
Girl: Oh wow! Thats so amazing! Why did you change frat's?  
  
Rocko: Well, the guys in my frat were all puds.  
  
Girl: (Looks slightly less impressed) I see. Well, anyways, do you have any special interests?  
  
Rocko: Do I?  
  
(Camera zooms out to outside of fraternity. Door opens and Rocko is thrown out. Door slams shut behind her)  
  
Rocko: Damn.  
  
~ Commercial 


	4. Residence 4

(Cal waiting in the main room on their floor. Nitz walks in)  
  
Nitz: So your really gonna go through with it, hey?  
  
Cal: (Dressed in his suit to be the Calster) Yep. I have nothing to hide. Besides, if she doesn't believe me, I can just give her some sex.  
  
Nitz: Your going to sleep with the inspections agent?  
  
Cal: Yeah, I'm sure she's a pretty lady anyways. Everybody loves Cal.  
  
Nitz: What if its a guy Cal?  
  
Cal: (Pauses for a long moment as it all sinks in, then suddenly he gasps and has a horrified look on his face)  
  
(A man walks in dressed formally. He walks up to Cal.)  
  
Man: Are you Cal?  
  
Cal: (Whimpers as he nods)  
  
Man: (Smiles) I'm the inspections agent. Call me John. (He friendily sticks out a hand to shake.)  
  
Cal: (Looks at the hand confused, then jumps in the mans arms with a big hug. The man pushes him away in disgust.)  
  
Nitz: (Groans)  
  
*  
  
(There is a gathering of students around Gimpy who stands at a podium)  
  
Gimpy: All right men. We have a problem. Apparently we don't classify as an 'official' residence. By this time tomorrow, someone will come from Teckerson Tech to determine if we can take refuge here any longer. (Points to Mump) Mump will be out RA. Mump, by tomorrow you must have taken the test, learned everything there is to know about being an RA and make yourself presentable. Everyone else, clean this place up and make sure we are in no violation of any rules. I want your quarters cleaned, the deck sweeped and (Cringes) the anti-aircraft turrets taken down until further notice  
  
All: (Gasps)  
  
Gimpy: We must all make sacrifices, in this, our darkest hour to attain the freedom we have all dreamed of. Everyone! To your battle stations!  
  
(Everyone get up and runs about there duties. Music playing as everyone cleans and Mump locks himself in his room reading up everything at the RA website. The turrets are dismantled. Students look at a broom and mop nearby with some confusion and get online to take lessons in using it.)  
  
Gimpy: (Rubs his hands together) Excellent.  
  
*  
  
Nitz: (In his room at the computer. Cal walks in)  
  
Cal: (Whimpering)  
  
Nitz: Didn't go so well?  
  
Cal: (Settles down on his bed) I'm the Calster and Cal. I can't go back to being just Cal.  
  
Rocko: (Bursts in) Stupid chicks. Where the hell am I supposed to live now. (Rocko sits down on Nitz's bed)  
  
Cal: And I just don't understand how to deal with guys guy (slurp)  
  
Rocko: If only someone could help me get into that fraternity, I'd do anything!  
  
Cal: I wish I knew someone who got along real well with guys.  
  
Both: (Sigh)  
  
Nitz: (Smiles) Why don't you two help each other?  
  
(Cal and Rocko look up at each other curiously)  
  
Cal: (Big smile) Yeah guy! we can help each other! Yay!  
  
Rocko: Yeee! I think I might just find another frat. Later Nitz.  
  
(Rocko gets up and leaves the room. Walking down the hall, he looks into a room where a whole bunch of girls are sitting and reading. Suddenly, they start laughing and pick up pillows and start hitting each other.)  
  
Rocko: (Drooling) Oh yeah.  
  
(They start falling on each other, and all look up at the same moment.)  
  
All girls: C'mon in Rocko!  
  
(Rocko extends hands like a zombie, but before he gets there the door slams)  
  
Rocko: (Shaking his head) Aw man. (Looks back at door. Cal is standing in his usual pose. Rocko takes another look back at the closed door.) Alright you pud, get over here.  
  
Cal: (big smile, walks over)  
  
Rocko: You help me out first, then I'll help you deal with this guy, got it?  
  
Cal: Thanks guy. (Gives Rocko a big hug. Rocko throws his hands in the air determined to touch Cal as little as possible)  
  
*  
  
Gimpy: (Showing a stern looking man around the deck wearing a "Techerson Asses!" jacket and his men all doing the same) And this is where we obediently attend our online classes each day, learning together as a single unit. Tech Representative: And what about your RA?  
  
Mump: (Comes out wearing a dress robe with huge circles under his eyes) I'm right here sir.  
  
Tech Representative: (Cocks an eyebrow) I see. What is your name?  
  
Mump: I am Mump the RA.  
  
Tech Rep: I see. I don't think your in my RA directory  
  
Mump: (Sleepily) Well thats cause I just got it thirty seconds ago. I just took the test online. I'm a certified RA.  
  
Tech Rep: Where is your certificate?  
  
Mump: It's still printing out.  
  
Tech Rep: Alright then. (Turns to Gimpy) Well, you do have all the official showings of a residence, ironically. Although you do realize this is the first time someone has ever set up a residence off shore?  
  
Gimpy: We like to get away from the shores to make our leaning experience as effective as possible.  
  
Tech Rep: I see. Well, mind showing me around a little more.  
  
Gimpy: No trouble at all sir. Go tech!  
  
(The man leaves ahead of Gimpy, and he gives a thumbs up to the rest of the crew)  
  
~ Commercial 


	5. Residence 5

Nitz: (Walking across quad)  
  
Kimmy: Nitz!  
  
Nitz: (Turns as Kimmy is running up to him) Uh, Kimmy. Hi.  
  
Kimmy: (Gives Nitz a big hug) How have you been. I haven't heard from you lately.  
  
Nitz: (Looks confused) Well I've been really busy with . . . (eyes dart around for an excuse, but nothing seems to come, then he rolls his eyes at the obvious) . . . school work.  
  
Kimmy: Oh, I know how you feel. My first week of Sophomore year, my teachers were so cruel. They wouldn't stop giving me homework, and I had two tests on the same day. When I told them they-  
  
Nitz: (Looking at her uninterested. In Nitz's view, things go a little blurry. Kimmy's hair starts to turn purple and grows shorter. Her hair grows shorter and she turns into Jesse. Nitz gives a big smile)  
  
Kimmy: (Still talking) -and by that time I'd already signed up for ballet, but my feet were so swollen from- oh gosh! I just realized!  
  
Nitz: Gotta go?  
  
Kimmy: Oh, you know me so well! Your just too much Nitz Walsh. (She pulls him in and gives him another big hug) We'll chat later. Gimme a call. We can go for coffee next weekend.  
  
Nitz: (Looks at her waving goodbye, but in his view, she is Jesse. he is dreamily waving at her.) Bye (Nitz stops for a moment, then to himself) What is wrong with me?  
  
*  
  
(Back in the girls fraternity. Rocko is surrounded by a whole bunch of girls) Rocko: And then the little pony came up, and I fed her from a wagon full of straw.  
  
Girls: (All give a huge 'awwwwww')  
  
Fraternity leader: We were so rude before Rocko. I had no idea there were guys out there like you.  
  
Rocko: (Gives a proud smile)  
  
Fraternity leader: My name is Rachel. I want to be the first one to welcome you to Gamma Theta.  
  
Rocko: Alright! Kick ass!  
  
(Silence. The girls look at him confused)  
  
Rocko: I mean, (high pitched voice, cringing) thanks pretty ladies  
  
(All girls are giggling and hugging him. Rocko with a big horny smile)  
  
*  
  
(Open on Cal talking to the State U Rep)  
  
Cal: (In a fake deep voice) So you see? The brother needs the jimmy wacks 2-4-7, am I right?  
  
State U Rep: I hear you brother. You've changed a lot since we last talked  
  
Cal: I know. I was totally wack back then guy-(looks out the window where Rocko is shaking his head)-I mean, buddy.  
  
State U Rep: Well then, I can let it slide then. Just make sure you don't let it out to any of our rep's.  
  
Cal: Alright!  
  
State U Rep: And take it easy on those ladies man, don't want to hit 'em all up in one week! (winks)  
  
Cal: Alright! (The State U Re leaves) Hooray!  
  
(Turns around to find al whole bunch of girls with very angry looks on their faces)  
  
Cal: (Stuttering) Hey ladies. (Pause) How long have you been there for?  
  
(One girl steps forward and leans in to kiss Cal, but then instead knee's him in the groin)  
  
Girl: Long enough  
  
(Show Cal shivering on the floor holding his crotch as you see girls legs walking by and girls saying 'jerk' and 'pig' and other such insults)  
  
Rocko: (Walks in smoking and looks down at Cal) You see? I told you you should wear a can.  
  
*  
  
Tech Rep: Well Mr. Gimpy, I was skeptical at first, but looks like you have everything under control in here. Lots of spacious rooms, quiet living quarters. I must say this is excellent.  
  
Gimpy: Wonderful. (Pushing the man out the door) Well, you best be on your way. I'm sure you have lots to do.  
  
Tech Rep: Hold on a sec!  
  
Gimpy: (Cringes)  
  
Tech Rep: There is a problem though. It's about you RA.  
  
Mump: (Comes forward, still looking exhausted)  
  
Tech Rep: Your RA looks like he is in bad shape. An RA needs to always be on the ball and full of spunk  
  
Gimpy: Oh, he always is, right Mump? (Jab's Mump hard in the side, but Mump doesn't react and simply falls over onto the floor fast asleep) (Gimpy growls) So i guess we can't live here then?  
  
Tech Rep: Nonsense! Your RA just needs replacement!  
  
Gimpy: Oh! Thats great!  
  
Tech Rep: She's on her way now  
  
Gimpy: (Eyes widen, then his look softebs and he starts laughing) ha ha, she. Thats funny.  
  
Tech Rep: Why?  
  
Gimpy: Because this is a mans dorm, no women allowed.  
  
Tech Rep: Ha ha ha, thats funny. No, Tech doesn't have women floors because so few students are girls that its more cost effecient to have girls and boys together  
  
(Knock comes from the door)  
  
Tech Rep: Wow that was fast. Here she is right now.  
  
(The door opens. The figure is all in black)  
  
Gimpy: Wait, it can't be! No! NO!  
  
Rita: (Smile) Hello student.  
  
Gimpy: NOOOOO!!!!!!!  
  
Tech Rep: (Looking satisfied) Well, I'm sure you will all get along together quite well. Congradulations Gimpy.  
  
(Gimpy cowering under Rita the RA's shadow)  
  
*  
  
(Back in Nitz's room)  
  
Rocko: (Packing up his things) Sorry I gotta bale on you like this Nitz  
  
Nitz: (Smiling) Somehow, my heart will go on.  
  
Cal: (Opens door. Dressed in his RA clothes) 'Sup peeps?  
  
Nitz: I'm guessing that your still RA?  
  
Cal: Someone's talking loud guy. Keep the volume down. It's quiet hours. (Door closes)  
  
Nitz: (Sits down on his bed) Wow, looks like you and Cal worked things out together.  
  
Rocko: (Cringes) Yeah, well, under normal circumstances I would have let him burn, but I guess one moment dealing with Cal for an entire year of sex is worth it (cuts himself off and tries to recover) not that Cal had anything to with me getting into the frat.  
  
Nitz: (Smiles) Well, I'm glad all your dreams are coming true Rocko  
  
Rocko: Thanks man (slaps Nitz on the back) Hey, don't be a stranger. Maybe you can come over and check out my bunk mates some time.  
  
Nitz: I'll be waiting by the phone.  
  
Rocko: Cool, later.  
  
Nitz: (Closes door)  
  
Cal: (Patrolling hallways. Looks across at Rocko. They stare at each other seriously for a moment, then Rocko smiles. Cal smiles back, and Rocko turns and gets into the elevator)  
  
~ Credits  
  
*Whew, another episode. There is more comin' so keep checkin' my authors page. Tell me what you think, and episode 3 is on its way!* 


End file.
